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The phrase “finding a man who wants to be a grown-up” came up several times.
This response summarized the challenge nicely: “Meeting a man who I feel compatible with, feeling attracted to that same man AND having him treat me well.” This is what all the online dating methods call the phase.
You can’t “convince” her to come back or have a change of heart.
I spent 9 months with a “bad boy,” who managed to break up with me 4 times in just 9 months.
In the beginning I was still hung up on Bad Boy, but distraction and detox (no contact with Bad Boy) really worked. Some of you were kind enough to answer my 60-second survey question: What is the single biggest challenge you’re dealing with in dating and relationships these days?
When Bad Boy reached out to me 16 months later, the addiction was genuinely dead, and I could authentically say f*** off. A’s excellent advice, detox from your Bad Boy, and if you can, find something or someone that can pull you forward into the present or the future — rather than some wistful past that you’ve idealized. If you wanted to answer but didn’t get around to it, you can do it now here.
It’s not that the men who got their marriage back did a better job than the ones that didn’t; both groups of men worked equally hard to become the type of husband they wanted to be.
It’s just that some of their wives made the choice to come back and some of them didn’t.